How We Began
by amber2011
Summary: This is a prequel to Worthy of Love and tells the story of how Sam, Mercedes, and Finn came together in an eventual, committed, closed triad relationship and marriage. Please be advised that strong language, graphic sex scenes, and disturbing/depressing themes are a part of this story. Please read with discretion.


**_CHAPTER 1 _**

**_Summary- _**_The progression of how Sam, Mercedes and Finn become a closed triad begins with Prom. Mercedes only wants to be friends with Sam first, much to his dismay. Sam deals with his family's homeless crisis. Finn develops mild feelings for Mercedes._

**_Warning - _**_Disturbing sex scene. Cursing. Drug use._

**_Rating -_ **Mature. Reader discretion advised.

* * *

><p><strong><em>PROM <em>**

"You don't have to walk me home," I said as Sam and I walked along the dark sidewalk, a full moon shined above us, casting white light in our path. The air smelled like dogwood blossoms, and their white petals fluttered in the late night breeze. I caught a few in my hands and thought about pressing them between the pages of an old medical dictionary I had in my room. For me, these petals were more precious than the limp corsage pinned to my bright purple dress; because I bought the corsage myself, but the petals were like romantic charms falling from the sky and blessing me and Sam. I put them in my purse.

I watched the other prom couples walking along with us, and their flirtatious chatter unnerved me, reminding me of my inexperience. But Sam didn't seem to mind, he sauntered along beside me, as if everything was normal, and I was like the other girls, wrapped in tight sequined, dresses, with stick thin bodies, giggling at nothing in particular. I ignored the intense stare Sam gave me; as he reached for my hand and held it.

"I wanted to walk you home," he said.

I felt his callused fingers intertwine with my own and a pleasant tingle settled in my belly. We walked in silence, hand in hand. I smelled his scent of Irish Spring body wash and breath mints, and I found it oddly soothing. Feeling rather bold, I leaned into him, pressing my shoulder against his. He squeezed my hand, and began singing:

_We've got tonight_

_Who needs tomorrow?_

_We've got tonight babe_

_Why don't you stay?_

I knew that soon the clock would strike midnight and my carriage would be a pumpkin. I reasoned that Rachel put him up to this. I stopped walking as I felt tears spill from my eyes. No, none of this was real, why was I setting myself up? I pulled my hand from his grip and faced him.

"That's enough. "

Sam reached for my hand again, but I stepped back; and his sad expression almost broke my resolve.

"I don't understand," he said.

"I know Rachel told you to say all those things."

"I said what I felt."

I turned away from him and began walking again. Sam grabbed my arm.

"Cedes, stop –"

"You called me Cedes."

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"Because it fits."

"It feels familiar."

"Is that bad?"

"No," I said.

Sam took both of my hands and held them between his own. He leaned down and was about to kiss me, when I broke free from his grasp.

"I can't do this," I said.

Sam shook his head and sighed.

"Come on, let's get you home," he said.

There was no more hand holding, attempted kisses, or romantic serenades. All that remained was the sound of our shoes tapping against the pavement, and the crickets chirping. I folded my arms, shivering against the late night chill. Then I felt the weight of Sam's jacket around my shoulders. I looked up at him.

"Thanks."

Sam only smiled. When we reached my house, we stood on my front porch facing each other, I took off his jacket, which Sam refused to take back.

"Keep it," he said.

"I don't need –"

"I got no use for it."

"Oh, well, I better go inside…"

"Yeah…"

Despite my earlier protest, he leaned down and kissed me, his long hair, falling against his forehead, tickling my skin. His plump lips were soft. After a few moments, he broke the kiss and stared down at me.

"Good night," he said and walked away.

**GETTING** **BY**

I couldn't sleep that night. The lumpy mattress in our crowded hotel room was torture to sleep on, so I sat outside and watched the hookers go in and out of the nearby rooms, straightening their skirts and lighting up cigarettes. I listened to them complain about johns and getting through another night. I wondered why Mercedes thought Rachel told me what to say. I never needed anybody to tell me what to say because I know my heart, and even though I'm not exactly a poet, nobody else could tell my story. And now Mercedes was a part of my story, I always thought she was beautiful, a little on the bossy side, but overall a good person. And tonight we had a blast so why not take it further? What was the harm in that?

I leaned against the railing and gazed up at the sky. For some dumb reason, she thought I was being "nice" as a favor. Well, that kiss I gave her was far from nice, hell, as my Granddad used to say, it was one kiss away from sin, but going to hell would be worth it. I laughed and closed my eyes, smelling the reefer and cigarette smoke wafting up the stairs. I only got high once in boarding school, and me and my roommate sat on the roof and saw aliens in the stars. Suddenly I felt someone touch my shoulder. I turned around and found a tall, old man with curly white hair, staring at me; he wore a navy blue suit.

"How much?"

For a second, I was confused but then I understood.

"Get the fuck out of here!" I said.

But the man was persistent.

"I've got a lot of money and –"

"I said get the fuck out of here!"

"Calm down," the man said holding up his hands in surrender, "Just looking for a bj."

"Fuck off," I said.

After he was gone, I went back inside. As I looked at Stevie and Stacey curled up on the cot in the corner, I wished we had someplace to escape to, but we lived in this nightmare together. I took a shower and killed the roaches in the sink, and watched their brown bodies go down the drain, and a few tears fell from my eyes. I needed a bit of happiness so I thought about Mercedes and her purple dress and the way she laughed at my stupid jokes and even admired my bolo tie. I hadn't felt that light and carefree in a very long time, like dandelion fluff floating in the breeze, nothing to worry about, no grumbling bellies, or trying to find pennies on the way to school, and eating Ramen noodles for breakfast, all we only had each other and the dance floor, and damn, that girl had me, I could be her Prince Charming in the Prom fairytale, if she let me. I'd carve carriages out of clouds and sing her songs I'd written in my sleep, cause that's how she inspired me. Now she was pushing me away, and I wanted to tear down every wall she built around herself.

**_FRIENDS WITHOUT BENEFITS_**

For a week I pretended like prom night never happened. I was friendly toward Sam in Glee Club meetings, but nothing more. I avoided being alone with him and stayed glued to Kurt. At night I would put on his jacket and stare at myself in the mirror. It smelled like him and this made me smile. I pressed the dogwood petals in the old medical dictionary. Then one afternoon after a Glee Club meeting, Sam asked me to go a concert in Lima Park on Saturday morning.

"You can't waste your money on me," I said as I slammed my locker shut.

"It's a free concert."

I shook my head, stepping away from him, why did he have to get so damn close when he spoke to me, why did he have to have eyes so green and piercing and well, too beautiful…

"I can't. I have to tutor Finn."

"Well, how about Sunday?"

I hated Sundays because of the weight loss meetings my mother forced me to go to. It was an expensive program in East River that she enrolled me in, and there was no way I could ever get out of it.

"No, I'm sorry."

"I'll just keep asking until I get a yes."

"You're very persistent."

"You could say that."

"Sam, we don't even know each other."

He helped me with my backpack as I struggled to pick it up.

"What's there to know? We went to prom, had a good time, and now I want to go out again. It's very simple."

"Not for me," I said, as we walked down the hallway. I noticed a few cheerios glancing at us and pointing; Sam smiled and waved at them, but kept his full attention on me.

"So how about next week, will you still be busy?"

I decided to tell him the truth.

"We only went out because Rachel wanted all three of us to go together."

Sam said nothing. When we got to my car, I unlocked it and put my backpack in the back seat, while Sam stood there watching me, finally he said:

"You're dumber than Brittany."

"What?"

"I only went because of you."

Well, that was hard for me to believe. Sam never paid me much attention before, so out of nowhere, he suddenly found me attractive? Even after Santana and Quinn?

I nodded toward the passenger side of her car.

"Get in. I'll give you a ride home."

Sam's eyes widened for a second but then he got in. As I drove out of the parking lot, I turned on the radio and soon the sound of Katy Perry's Firework filled the car and we rode in an awkward silence. When we got the hotel, I parked the car and sat there staring at the steering wheel until Sam touched my hand.

"Cedes?"

"I'm used to being invisible."

"You're not."

"Sometimes when I dream, I'm this person everyone sees, and my voice reaches the sky. I don't have a Quinn's, Santana's, or Rachel's shadow hovering over me."

"None of those shadows are real."

"Yes, they are."

Sam shook his head, his hair falling into his eyes,

"Nope, that shit is about as real as you make it."

"I better get going," I said.

"Did you have a good time at prom?" Sam asked.

I looked away from him.

"Yes."

"It wasn't a favor."

"I want to be friends first."

"Friends?"

I nodded.

"I want to get to know you."

Sam thought for a moment, and his answer surprised me.

"Ok, friends is good…. for now."

**_THE UNEXPECTED_**

Over the next few weeks, my new friendship with Sam was surprising in a good way. He stopped asking me out; and everyday we had lunch together underneath the old oak tree, sometimes Kurt and Blaine joined us, but mostly it was the two of us and those were my favorite days, when we were alone. We talked about our lives; and sometimes Sam sang a new song he learned or would fiddle around with different melodies on his guitar. I noticed the curious looks that other students gave us; especially the pretty girls who looked like they Sam's type, and of course, Sam was oblivious, only paying attention to me. He never ate very much at lunch time and though I tried to share my food with him, he always declined and changed the subject. One day our conversation turned to the future.

"So why don't you want to be a doctor like your mom?" Sam asked me as he tuned his guitar, the spring air blowing through his blonde hair.

I shrugged and took a bite of my tuna sandwich.

"Medicine has never been my thing like music."

"You'll be bigger than Beyonce. And you're prettier."

"Really?"

Sam gave me one of his "soul-searching stares" and I felt my cheeks grow red. I hated that intensity, it was like he was pulling me apart, not in a bad way, but in the way one would look at a painting and try to figure out its beauty. After a few moments, he went back to tuning his guitar until the sound satisfied him.

"Listen to this," he said.

_We go out to a party somewhere  
>The moment we walk in the door<br>People stop and everybody stares  
>She don't know what they're staring for<em>

_She don't know she's beautiful (never crossed her mind)_  
><em>She don't know she's beautiful (no she's not that kind)<em>  
><em>She don't know she's beautiful<em>  
><em>Though time and time I've told her so…<em>

As he sang the song, his eyes never left mine, and I forgot we were at school under the oak tree, I could only hear his voice and the steady strumming of the guitar. When he finished the last verse, I was grinning like I won the lottery and I felt a little embarrassed because once again, Mr. Evans exposed me like no one else did. For the first time in weeks, Sam reached over and touched my hand, squeezing it briefly before pulling away again as if remembering the boundaries I set.

"Almost time for history," he mumbled, putting his guitar pick in his back pocket.

"I liked the song." I said.

Sam nodded toward a group of cheerios, hovering nearby, glancing over at us and whispering.

"They got nothing on you."

"Sam I –"

He held up his hand.

"Don't think I haven't noticed how you compare yourself. No point to it, Cedes."

I wanted to say something more, but instead I stood up, dusted off my jeans, and gathered my things for next period.

**ooo**

When he wasn't doing his usual double shifts at the Pizza Palace, we took long walks in the woods; Sam discovered areas of Lima I had never been like quiet meadows filled with wildflowers and abandoned stone houses overgrown with ivy. Normally, I would be afraid to go into these houses, especially in the woods, but Sam took it all in stride, he would point out how beautiful they must have been at one time. He showed me how the light shined through a broken window, or the pretty designs on the doors; and suddenly, I imagined what these houses looked like hundreds of years ago.

"People don't always know what they have," Sam said as we stood in the middle of an old house, staring up at the rusty chandelier, that had a few crystal jewels that shined in the sun, "They just leave shit behind, don't care enough to take it with them."

I forgot about my walls and rules and held his hand.

"Sam?"

He looked down at me, his green eyes not really focusing on my face.

"I'm sorry. I just see how people waste all the good. But I tell you what."

"What's that?"

"I ain't wasting a thing, not a sunrise, or a rainbow, hell, even a glass of water, I'm gonna be grateful for it all."

I don't know why, but I cried, and Sam put his arm around me, not asking for an explanation, only comforting me in that dilapidated house that somehow became a beautiful sanctuary because of his words.

**ooo**

On one of our journeys, we explored the Lima Tuberculosis Hospital, nestled in the woods behind a small neighborhood in West Lima. Sam said he read online that the souls of those who died of TB haunted the hospital, and they followed you around. The brown brick building was horse-shoe shaped with a weed filled field in the middle, Sam said it looked like wheat. Graffiti was spray painted on its walls. We opted not to go inside because of asbestos, and neither one of us had worn a mask, like the website Sam went to suggested. I remembered that my grandfather had TB but he survived. After awhile, it was a natural thing for us to hold hands as we explored the exterior of the hospital, I wasn't sure if I believed in ghosts, and I wasn't scared exactly, just a little uneasy. Sam said all he felt was sadness.

"That's all ghosts are anyway, just lonely, you know?"

I nodded as we walked around reading the graffiti. Sam took a few pictures of the hospital and then he did something strange, he knelt and said a quick prayer.

I stood there awkwardly, not sure why he was doing this. When he finished, he whispered amen and rose from the ground, taking my hand, we walked back to my car. As I drove us home, neither one of us said anything, just basked in the peaceful silence. Finally, Sam spoke:

"On YouTube, people go there for thrills on Halloween, or just for kicks. A lot of shit can happen there at night… but I keep thinking that at one time, people were fighting for their lives in that building, hoping they could survive, and doctors and nurses were doing the best they could, and… I had to pray for them, you know? Just let them know that well, their lives mattered."

At a stoplight, I reached over and squeezed his shoulder.

"I get it."

Sam nodded and gave me a lopsided smile, a few tears fell from his eyes.

**ooo**

"Why don't you ever bring Stevie and Stacey on our trips?" I asked Sam one afternoon during lunch. He sat really close to me and our shoulders touched.

"I like being alone with you."

"When can we take them to Funland?"

"Soon."

"You always say that."

"My mother doesn't like them to go too far."

I didn't press the issue, I imagined it wasn't much fun being stuck in that hotel room.

"Do you think you can sneak out Saturday?" Sam asked.

I offered Sam an extra ham and cheese sandwich, which to my surprise, he actually took.

"I don't have to sneak out," I said, as I rummaged in my lunch bag for the potato chips, "My parents will be out-of-town."

"They're always out-of-town," Sam said, biting into the sandwich, "Where did they go this time?"

"Medical convention in Phoenix."

"Oh."

"So what did you want to do Saturday?"

"I want to go see the meteor shower. It's between midnight and dawn."

"Your parents won't care?"

"I'll figure something out. Do you want to go?"

"Sure."

"I'll come to your house around 11:30," Sam said.

"Why don't I just pick you up?"

Sam shook his head.

"That's ok, I'll meet you at your place." Then he unzipped his backpack and handed a small red box to me, "This is for you."

I opened the box and inside was a triangular-shaped piece of crystal broken off of the old chandelier we found in the abandoned house.

I held the crystal up to the sunlight and saw rainbows on my hand.

"You kept staring at that chandelier," Sam said.

"Thank you, " I said. "It's beautiful."

Sam squeezed my hand.

**ooo**

That weekend while my parents were in sunny Phoenix, staying at the Ritz Carlton, and probably drinking more martinis than they should, me and Sam went to the Lima Observatory with an old picnic blanket, bottled water and sandwiches, and found a spot in the middle of the field with the other star gazers waiting for the meteor shower to begin.

"You have to let your eyes adjust to the darkness," Sam said, leaning against me, "Then after a while, we'll be able to see it."

"Ok."

"Lie back," he said.

I laid back on the blanket, and Sam put his arm around me, hugging me to his side, , after a while the meteor shower began. Dots of white light zipped across the starry sky; I snuggled close to Sam, taking it all in, people around us marveled at the beauty of it, but soon, everyone was quiet, and the beautiful show entranced us, the meteors reminded me of crystals falling from the sky, leaving a trail of glittering light behind them.

"Or a diamond shower," Sam whispered.

It was then that I realized I had spoken my observation out loud.

"Yes, diamonds work too."

We grew quiet again, a church like silence, as we watched the majesty of the night sky. I wanted to wrap my self in it. Sam held me closer and then I felt him kiss the top of my head. It was quicker than the meteors flashing above us, but I felt it, none the less, and I knew a small part of my wall had crumbled.

**_SECRETS_**

After the meteor shower weekend, I rarely saw Mercedes. I took a second job as a dishwasher at Breadsticks and I was too tired to go exploring. I wanted to help my parents get us out of that god-awful hotel and into an apartment, so I did whatever I could to make extra money. I even started stripping at a nightclub in West Lima. I lied about my age and they never asked me for my ID. The guy that ran the place said cougars would pay top dollar for a good-looking kid like me. I felt dirty on stage, if Mercedes ever found out, I had no chance of becoming her official boyfriend instead of her "just friend" that ate lunch with her under the oak tree. Sure, we held hands sometimes when we took walks, and I even kissed her once, but it was so quick, that I'm not even sure she felt it. At night I spent a long time in the shower scrubbing glitter off my body. The women in the club pawed and grabbed at me and I had to block it all out. Most of the time, I thought of Mercedes because she kept me going, gave me peace when I was falling apart. Stevie and Stacey always needed something: shoes, lunch money, medicine… I couldn't let them down. My parents were working as janitors at the chemical plant on the other side of town; I rarely saw them, their hours were all over the place.

One day after Glee practice, Mercedes asked me if I wanted to go to the Lima Bean for a latte.

"I'm worried about you," she said.

"I got a couple of other jobs," I said, avoiding her eyes, "When things calm down, we can hang out."

"What's that on your cheek?"

"Huh?"

She reached out and touched my face, brushing her fingertips against my flushed skin.

"Is that glitter?"

"Yeah, uh, Stacey was playing dress up with me this morning."

Then she laughed and I felt a pain in my chest. I missed her laugh.

"I have to go."

"Do you need a ride?"

She dropped me off at Breadsticks where I had the late afternoon shift, just as I was about to get out of the car, she grabbed my arm:

"Sam, you're not alone."

"I know."

"Then let me help you."

"I don't need your money."

"Sam…"

"I'll see you soon."

Before she could say anything else, I quickly got out of the car and went inside the restaurant.

**ooo**

Every morning Stevie and Stacey asked me when we were going back to our house. I couldn't tell them there was no house to go back to, that we lost everything and that the game we played of "camping" in the hotel was reality. Instead I lied to them.

"Someday, we'll go back."

"I'm tired of this place," Stacey said as she plopped down beside me on the bed clutching the apple I gave her for breakfast, " I want to go home."

"We are home," Stevie said from the doorway of the bathroom, the yellow light shining behind him.

Stevie was too sharp of a kid to believe my bullshit and figured it out on his own. I fessed up.

"You're right. But things will get better."

"How?"

"I don't know."

Before we went to school, I stopped off at the rental office to pay for our room for another week; the woman who worked in the office said we owed double what I gave her. She was fat with salt and pepper hair and had a mole on her chin. She looked at us like we were something she found stuck to the bottom of her sensible brown shoes.

"My parents will bring the rest," I said handing her the money.

"Listen kid, this isn't a charity, I need that money by 5:00 today."

"But they don't get off until 6:00," I said.

"Not my problem. If you don't have that money here by 5:00, I'm throwing your family out."

She turned her swivel chair around and began typing away on the ancient computer she had on her cluttered desk.

"You can't throw us out," I said, "We just need more time."

She looked over her shoulder at me.

"Time isn't something I have. Now get out. I have work to do."

"You stupid bitch!" I said before thinking about the consequences, "How can you do this?" I pointed to Stevie and Stacey; "They're just kids, we don't have anywhere to go!"

She folded her arms and sighed.

"Since you called me a bitch, I want the money by 3:00."

"What?"

"You heard me."

Stevie and Stacey stood there like a couple of deer staring into headlights, their mouths hanging open in shock. There was no way we would have the money by 3:00 and even if my parents got off earlier we wouldn't have had it anyway; with food and paying for living expenses and fees for late rent payments, it was hard for us to get ahead. We had nothing.

"How much?" I whispered.

"Six hundred dollars," she said, "And this 'stupid bitch' will not hesitate to throw all your junk in the parking lot at 3:01."

I took Stevie and Stacey by the hand and pulled them out of the smoke-filled office. The day was overcast and cool. I buttoned up Stacey's bright pink cardigan, made sure Stevie had his notebooks, and gave them their lunch money for the day before I walked them to school. It was stupid of me to call her a bitch, but I was angry. I knew my parents' bank account had a negative balance, and I also knew where I could get the money.

When we got to Lima Elementary School, I hugged Stevie and Stacey goodbye; and it was then that my little brother and sister began to cry.

"I'm scared, Sammy," Stacey said, "We're going to have to sleep in the woods!"

I had to laugh at that, if only to keep my sanity.

"No, Sugar, I'll find a way out of this."

"You better call Mom and Dad," Stevie said through his tears, "Maybe they can do something."

I shook my head.

"They don't get paid until Saturday. Don't worry. I have a plan."

"What is it?" Stevie asked me, gazing up at me with eyes just like our father's "Are you going to rob a bank?"

"No, I'm not going to rob a bank. Like I said, I'll take care of it."

I hugged them once more and watched them hurry into the school as the first warning bell rang. Standing on the sidewalk, I thought of taking Cedes' offer, but I had too much damn pride for that so that was out of the question; I considered asking for a loan from Pizza Palace and Breadsticks but then I remembered you had to be at least 21 for a loan. As much as I dreaded it, I knew what I had to do. I fished around in my back pocket and pulled out a piece of pastel purple paper that smelled like violets. I unfolded it and read the message scrawled across it in perfect, loopy script: "Sam, you're hot piece of white chocolate. If you're ever for sale, call me. XOXO Viola Bloom."

Viola was a cougar who came to the club regularly and took a liking to me. She was 50 years old with long gray hair and crow's-feet around her big, blue eyes. In her younger years, she might have been hot, not so much now. I'd given her a few lap dances which left me feeling dirtier than usual, but those lap dances bought new shoes for Stevie and Stacey and medicine for my mother's migraines. I walked to the park, sat on a bench and called her. She picked up on the fifth ring.

"Hello?" she said, her voice sounded distracted.

"Uh, Hi Violet, it's me, Sam from Odyssey."

"Sam who?"

"White chocolate," I said, lowering my voice.

Then she laughed really loud, so loud that I had to hold the phone away from my ear, when she calmed down she said:

"So I guess you're for sale."

"I guess so."

"Are you busy now?"

"No."

"Where are you?"

"Lima Park."

"Don't move. I'll be there in 15 minutes."

She hung up before I could say anything else.

Viola was there exactly 15 minutes later. She pulled up in a bright red Porsche; I forgot she had a rich husband. She rolled down the window and waved me over.

"Hurry up!"

I walked across the sidewalk and hopped into the car.

"We'll have the house to ourselves."

I buckled my seatbelt.

"Good," I said, trying to sound enthusiastic. "But before we go, I want 600.00 for this afternoon."

Viola ran her hand up and down my leg and squeezed my crotch.

"You don't waste time. How about this, if you really do a good job, I'll give you double."

"Deal." I said.

**ooo**

Viola lived in a big mansion in the gated community of Sweet Pastures that was in East Lima. She drove over the speed limit the entire time and kept moving around in the driver's seat, purposefully, hiking up her skirt so I could see she wasn't wearing any underwear. Her low-cut red blouse revealed her bare, sagging tits, and they bounced as she sped along the back roads to her estate. I kept thinking about how much 1200.00 could save us. When we got to her house, she took me straight to her bedroom; it was all gold and white with a huge king sized bed covered with a gold duvet. She ordered me to strip and opened a bottle of wine that sat on the nightstand, pouring us each a glass. I drank a couple of glasses of wine to calm down. She gave me some pills and I took those too. I wanted to be as high as possible, because that was the only way I could do this. I stood there naked and exposed at the foot of the bed. She licked her lips and stared at me as she removed her skirt and blouse, revealing her mounds of jiggling flesh and cellulite. I never had a problem with big women, size was irrelevant to me, but Viola repulsed me because of how she was, so crass and needy. I was no saint but this woman had me beat. She grinned.

"Come here."

I walked over to her, my head feeling disconnected from my body, I was smiling and everything felt good, the gold walls spun around me like a carousel. Viola laughed and her belly shook in fleshy ripples. I saw varicose veins on her calves. Then she pushed me back on the bed and played with my cock, trying to get the limp rod to harden, her hands were pretty skilled and soon I was moaning and before I knew it she was on top of me, sinking down onto my cock and crying out. She was looser than a stretched out pair of yoga pants, I lied there and let her use me like her personal fuck toy. She told me to suck her tits, so I did, her hard nipples tasted sour. She rode me until she came and shuddered on top of me; I came after she took my cock into her red mouth, and deep-throated me. I was laughing when I exploded in her mouth; she said I tasted good, then rolled me over and slapped my ass.

"I'm breaking you in," she said.

A second later, I felt her thick finger make contact with my asshole, and I tensed up and panicked. I couldn't breathe. Before I could tell her to stop, she shoved two fingers inside me and it hurt like hell. Burned too. Tears came to my eyes.

"Stop!"

"Give it a chance."

I managed to push her away from me.

"I said, stop!"

"Fuck, what's your problem?" she said, her body jiggling from the impact of hitting the floor so hard.

I couldn't walk straight, so I wobbled out of the room into the hallway. I was so cold. Why was I so cold? I leaned against the wall and cried. What was wrong with me?

Viola followed me, demanding to know what was wrong.

"I don't do that," I said.

"Do you want the money or not?"

"I'll do anything but that. Please."

Viola pulled me by the arm, ignoring my tears and broken down state altogether. She lied on the bed and spread her fat legs.

"Go on," she said.

I buried my face between her pale, quivering thighs, giving her what she wanted, until she came, screaming and thrashing against the bed. Her vagina was a gaping black hole and all used up, just like I was. I couldn't stop crying. Tasting her sickened me. She gave me more wine and pills to "shut me up" as she put it. I took them to numb my soul, make me forget the ugly things I was doing and why I was doing them. I was higher than before and closed my eyes, and when I opened them again, a woman with fiery red hair and who looked about 60 years old was on top of me. She only had one breast and she called me "sonny boy" as she bounced up and down on my cock while Viola shoved her withered tits into my mouth. It was all too much and I blacked out. When I woke up, the women sat on either side of me, wiping me down with a damp washcloth and kissing each other. I had a horrible headache and my mouth was dry as sand paper.

"Water," I whispered.

"Lift him up, Lee," Viola said to the other woman.

She held a water bottle to my lips and I drank half the bottle.

"What time is it?" I asked.

"2:00," Viola said.

I shoved them away from me and looked for my clothes.

"I have to go home."

"We got rid of your clothes, so I guess you'll be staying here," Viola said, smiling at me. I wanted to kill her.

"You what?"

"Threw them out," she laughed.

"Just give me my money and take me home."

"No."

"What?"

"Put these on, she said, throwing a pair of glittery gold shorts at me that looked about two sizes too small, "And for 1200.00 you'll wear them all the way home and walk to your front door in them, understand?"

"Anything. I just need to get home."

I put on the shorts and they had more fun with me, by squeezing my ass and crotch. After Lee and Viola shared a long, goodbye kiss, Viola took me by the hand and we went outside to her car with me wearing nothing but those stupid shorts. When we got to the hotel she handed me the money in a white envelope, kissing my cheek.

"We have to do this again."

I didn't answer her. I just got out of the car and ran to the rental office. Viola honked her horn and catcalled me. I got to the office at exactly 2:59. The woman at the desk looked at me dressed in those ugly shorts and shook her head. I counted out 600.00 dollars and threw the money on the desk.

"Thank you," she said, glaring at me, "You might want to cover up before you get arrested."

I left the office and ran upstairs to our hotel room. I went straight to the shower and stayed there until the water ran cold. I was stiff and sore. I cried until I had no tears left then I got dressed for my shift at Pizza Palace. By then Stevie and Stacey were home from school. I took them to the nearby diner for a proper dinner instead of Ramen noodles and saltines. They laughed and ate their meatloaf dinners and devoured their caramel sundaes for dessert. Afterwards, we went to the supermarket and bought non-perishable food to take back to the hotel. Our mother was there when we returned, lying on the bed with the covers over her head because of a migraine. I told her about the food and put the money in our safe. She mumbled thanks and closed her eyes again. I helped Stevie and Stacey get ready for bed and then walked to Pizza Palace.

**ooo**

Work was a disaster. I messed up orders and burned pizzas. I got yelled at twice. When my shift was over, I felt numb. I needed Mercedes. My Cedes. I wanted to tell her of my hell, wanted to hear her voice and feel her arms around me; we were "just friends" but I wanted more. Instead of going home, I walked all the way to Tara Estates. I figured I could persuade her in person to go on a "real" date with me someday soon, despite our stupid "just friends" agreement . Fuck friendship. I had enough of those. What I needed was this girl by my side, holding my hand, and parading around town like a royal couple. I needed her peace, her spirit filling me up. Calling and texting were ok for an everyday chick, but Mercedes was better than that. She deserved a "gentleman caller" at her door, as my Grandma used to say. So I went to her door and rang the doorbell, and soon I was staring into the cold, gray eyes of Mrs. Jones. She wore a fancy green gown and her hair was up in some sort of bun and held together with jeweled hairpins.

"I'm sorry ma'am for the intrusion, but may I speak with Mercedes for a moment?" I said, hoping my voice wasn't cracking.

"Who are you?"

"I'm Sam Evans. We're classmates."

Suddenly, Mercedes appeared at the door beside her mother.

"Sam, what are you doing here?"

She looked like a million bucks and I couldn't stop staring at her. Her hair was softly curled and hung loosely around her shoulders; she wore a black evening gown that hugged her wide hips, diamond earrings dangled from her ears; and plum-colored lipstick shimmered on her full Cupid's bow lips.

Then I saw a handsome black guy standing beside her. He wore a tuxedo. He probably never wore gold shorts in his life or had sex with an old hag for money. I glanced down at my dirty jeans and smudged Pizza Palace t-shirt and suddenly felt ashamed, and Mercedes was staring at me with her big brown Bambi eyes, all concerned and confused and suddenly, coming to her house uninvited and unannounced made me look like a total dick. I tried to think of something clever and charming to say but the words stuck in my throat, especially when I figured out that the suave black guy was her date, by the way he stood so close to her. What could I possibly give to Mercedes? What was I thinking this entire time?

"I don't allow boys to visit my daughter without at least calling first," Mrs. Jones said, glaring at me in disgust, "Besides she was just leaving for an evening out."

Mercedes rolled her eyes at her mother

"Mom, please," she said and turned to me, "Is something wrong?"

I tried to tell her all the things swimming about in my head, but the words tumbled over each other and became nothing but gibberish. Three pairs of eyes watched me. I lost my courage, as I stood on her front step like a lowly commoner, there reeking of pepperoni and garlic, in Tara Estates of all places… so I did the chicken shit thing and lied.

"I need a tutor."

Mercedes raised her eyebrows in surprise.

"Well, uh, ok. I can tutor you. It might've been easier just to call. I don't mind helping you."

I lied again.

"I was just making my last delivery and I was in the neighborhood."

"You deliver pizzas on foot?"

"Yeah, I like the exercise." I smiled hoping my bullshit wasn't that obvious.

"Next time, call, Shawn," Mrs. Jones said, "I don't like drop-in visits of any kind."

"It's Sam," I said, trying to keep my anger in check, "Sam Evans."

Mrs. Jones didn't apologize for getting my name wrong. She looked at Mercedes and said:

"You two run along. We'll be at the banquet hall shortly."

Then she was gone. Mercedes tugged Anthony's arm and pulled him out of the house, locking the door. I just stood there, wanting to disappear into the night air.

"Do you need a ride home?" Mercedes asked.

I wanted to say no. Say no, say no, say no….

"Yes, I would really like that."

Anthony was less than thrilled.

"We don't have time."

"Yes we do." Mercedes said.

Anthony sighed.

"Ok."

"Thanks, man," I said, and stuck out my hand, "I'm Sam Evans."

Anthony shook my hand a little too tightly.

"I know and I'm Anthony Rashad."

"Nice to meet you."

"Likewise."

Mercedes watched the tense exchange between us and gave a worried smile, biting her bottom lip.

"Our mothers are getting a community service award tonight for their medical clinic," she said to me.

"Cool."

Anthony walked down the steps.

"Let's go."

**_THE SING OFF_**

I wasn't surprised that Anthony had a black Jaguar. The guy oozed money and class, while I just oozed poor. We both tried to open the front door for Mercedes, but Anthony was quicker and I got a whiff of his obnoxious Axe body spray; I wondered if Mercedes liked it. I wasn't big on cologne myself, but if it turned her on, I would drown myself in it. After she settled in the front seat, I got in the back, carefully shutting the door of the sleek vehicle and Anthony started the car.

"Where to?"

"Motel 6 on Windham Avenue," I said.

Anthony frowned.

"Why do you live in –"

Mercedes touched his arm, interrupting him.

"Turn on the radio."

So he did and I was grateful for the distraction. Anthony began singing along to the Awolnation song It's not Your Fault and he couldn't sing for shit.

I began singing too, drowning out Anthony's awful voice. This guy made Finn sound like Luther Vandross. Mercedes kept her mouth shut, staring straight ahead, but I noticed a tiny smile forming at the corners of her mouth when I started singing. It wasn't any contest. I could sing circles around this dude; and I got perverse pleasure from it. Anthony began singing louder, despite being off-key, and this pushed me to sing louder too. The impromptu sing off starting getting aggressive especially when Anthony gave me a dirty look as he stared at me in the mirror. After a few minutes of killing the eardrums of everyone in the car, Mercedes shut off the radio, chastising us.

"Enough! It's a good song, but damn."

This somehow broke the unspoken tension and we laughed. I felt better but the feeling soon passed when we pulled up to the Motel 6. A few hookers were milling around the stairs leading up to our room on the second floor. Then I thought about Mercedes having a fabulous time with this Anthony Rashad prick and I felt even more deflated. As I opened the door, I thanked him for the ride.

"No problem," Anthony said with a wave of his hand, "See you around."

"Good night, Cedes," I said, and I was just about to get out of the car when she said:

"Sam, wait."

"Yes?"

"What subjects do you need tutoring in?"

At first I didn't know what she was talking about, but then I remembered my lie.

"English," I said.

"Ok, come to the library tomorrow morning at 10:00. I can tutor you and Finn together."

"Sure, thing. I may have to bring Stevie and Stacey."

Mercedes smiled.

"That's fine."

I felt a flutter of hope when she smiled at me like that; it was the same smile she revealed when I started singing a few moments earlier.

"See you then."

"Good night," she said and turned around in her seat, once again in her polite date mode, not taking any more attention away from Anthony who sat there fidgeting in the driver's seat like his ass was on fire. I took my cue to leave.

**ooo**

That night I had a nightmare about Viola and Lee. I was trapped in the mansion, and every time I tried to escape one of them would pull me back in. I woke up sweating and crying. I went to the bathroom and threw up in the toilet. The door creaked open and my mother stood in the doorway looking concerned.

"Are you coming down with something?"

"Maybe," I said as I stood up and filled a paper cup with water to rinse out my mouth, "Sorry about waking you up."

"That's ok."

She came into the bathroom and squinted under the fluorescent light.

"What are all those bruises on your back?"

I turned around and looked in the mirror. Purple bruises covered my back. I had a vague memory of Viola beating me with a cane for misbehaving, and I was so out of it, that my attempts at fighting back were futile, it was like my body turned into lead; the scene was all blurry around the edges like a watercolor painting. I remembered her smell and taste… my stomach grew queasy and I threw up again.

My mother stayed with me until I finished puking. She watched me brush my teeth.

"Are you being bullied?"

I looked at my tired, worn out mother, and wondered what she would think if I told her the truth. Actually mom, I had sex with these old ladies and I was higher than a motherfucker and they used me like a blow up doll, but I got 1200.00 bucks and we can live here a little while longer and you can buy more prescription migraine medicine… but of course I told her a lie.

"I got into it with Puck. But we made up. I'm fine, really I am."

She kissed my cheek and patted my shoulder.

"Don't stay up too late," she whispered and then walked out of the bathroom.

I looked at the bruises again. I didn't feel sad. I didn't feel anything. I only felt broken.

God help me.

**_LIBRARIES, BLONDES, AND TUTORS_**

The last place I wanted to be on a rainy Saturday morning was in the Lima Public Library. Mercedes was supposed to meet me here because I was failing English and she was my last hope. She was already fifteen minutes late. Maybe if I was lucky she would just cancel and I could go home and go back to bed. God, I hated the library, it smelled like old people, and it was too damn quiet. It was even worse than sitting in the gynecologist's office with my mother.

Just then I saw a blonde with a nice rack in a tight pink sweater and even tighter jeans sitting in the periodicals section a few feet away. She chewed gum as she flipped through a magazine; and she suddenly looked up and smiled at me, then she blew a giant pink bubble, letting it pop. I grinned back. Maybe the library wasn't so bad after all. Ever since Rachel dumped me for that douche bag Jesse St. James, I've been in a funk. Sure, I went out with a few chicks here and there, but I spent most of my nights with Puck and Mike, drinking beer and playing video games. I got up from the table and walked over to the blonde.

"Hi, I'm Finn," I said, smiling at her.

"I know who you are, I'm Kandy with a K, I go to East River."

Puck told me that East River girls were easy, and judging by the way Miss Kandy with a K was looking at me, I figured it was probably true.

"How do you know me?"

"My cousin goes to Mckinley. You went out with her," Kandy said, twisting a lock of her hair around her perfectly manicured finger.

I drew a blank. I had no idea who she was talking about.

"Who's your cousin?"

"Tracy Larson. We met at her birthday party"

Ah, yes , Tracy… she had the best set of jugs at Mckinley other than Mercedes. She was this weird goth chick who always wanted me to bite her neck and help her conduct séances, but I still didn't remember Kandy.

"How is she doing?"

"She's fine," Kandy said, "hates her new school but other than that ok."

Then she blew another bubble and giggled, her glossy pink lips shined, and I pictured them on my cock. It had been awhile since I got laid.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" I asked.

"No, I'm single, are you?"

"Well, I – " I began to answer her but then I heard a voice behind me.

"Finn, I'm sorry I'm late. Are you ready to start?" It was Mercedes. She stood there dripping wet in a zebra print raincoat, her hands clutched a big white umbrella.

I liked Mercedes, I really did, but she had to have the worst timing .

"Mercedes –"

But before I could say anything else, Kandy said to her, "Are you his girlfriend?"

Mercedes looked at Kandy like she had lost her mind.

"His what?"

I watched how Kandy gave Mercedes a "dressing down" so to speak, her eyes roamed from the top of Mercedes' head all the way down to her black rain boots; she clucked her tongue and twisted her mouth in disapproval.

"Of course you aren't," Kandy said, "Forgive me."

I knew absolutely nothing about women, but even I could see that Kandy insulted Mercedes and it made me angry. Suddenly she wasn't so hot. I put my arm around Mercedes and kissed her cheek.

"Yeah, she's my girlfriend."

Red splotches formed on Kandy's cheeks and she balled her hands into fists.

"Then why were you hitting on me?"

"I wasn't hitting on you," I said.

Go to hell," she said, raising her voice, "You're a waste of time any way."

"Whatever."

Then she walked away, her skinny hips shaking, and I wondered what angry sex with her was like, I felt Mercedes remove my arm from around her shoulders.

"What the hell was that about?"

"It was… nothing."

"Then why did you say I was your girlfriend?"

An old lady with big, blue hair at a nearby table scowled at us:

"Could you take your conversation someplace else?"

I pulled Mercedes over to a corner near the computer station.

"I didn't like what she said to you."

Mercedes took off her raincoat and shook off the water droplets.

"It wasn't a big deal."

"Yes it was," I said.

She shrugged and looked at me. I searched her eyes but her walls were up. I realized that I didn't know Mercedes at all. Sure, we grew up together, yet she was somehow always in the background, singing songs and pretending not to care that she never got invited to parties. In our 5th grade class picture, I remembered how her wide brown face stood out among the sea of grinning pale faces – she never smiled in class photos.

"Girls do that all the time," she said.

"Do what?"

"Put me in the category of 'no competition' that's what."

"She was a bitch."

"You're attracted to her."

"I was but I don't feel that way now. I'm not that big of an asshole."

Mercedes laughed.

"Come on, let's go sit down."

We sat at our usual table next to the window with a view of downtown Lima; she told me that Sam and his little brother and sister would be joining us too. I didn't like the idea of that at all. People already thought I was stupid, and I didn't want an audience.

"Is this going to be, like, all the time?" I asked.

Mercedes pulled out her copy of the Scarlet Letter from her backpack and put it on the table.

"I don't know, why?"

"I don't mind it just for today, but it's probably better to tutor us separately."

"Sometimes people learn better in groups. You might find it helpful that Sam is part of the session."

I decided not to say any more about it and started talking about the Scarlet Letter.

"So Hester slept with some other guy and she wears a big A on her chest?"

Mercedes rolled her eyes.

"Yes, Finn, hence the title, look you need to buckle down and get with the program, you don't want to fail do you?"

"Of course not," I said and leaned back in my chair, "Can't we just watch the movie? I heard Demi Moore is hot in it."

"Is that all you're interested in? Hot chicks?" She asked.

"Well yeah, I'm a guy. Hot chicks, football, singing, and Call of Duty are my favorite things."

Mercedes shook her head.

"What are you going to do after we graduate?"

"Go to college on a football scholarship."

"What about after college? What do you want to be? Playing video games and chasing women aren't exactly careers."

She had a point, but I couldn't plan the next ten years of my life, I didn't even know what I was doing in the next ten minutes. Sometimes I pictured myself married with kids, and going to an office, but what I did at that office I wasn't entirely sure.

"I want a family," I said.

Mercedes smiled.

"Good. How will you support them?"

Instead of answering her, I said:

"What are your plans?"

"I want a career in music, so I hope to get into Juillard, I have other schools in mind, but that is my top pick. After I graduate, if my singing career doesn't take off then I will get into the business side of music, either own a record label or produce. Or I may change my mind and become teacher."

"A singer or a teacher? Interesting."

Mercedes nodded and turned her attention to the book.

"Now, back to Hester Prynne, you see she – "

"Wait, I have another question."

"Ok."

"Do you want a family?" For some reason I wanted to know. Mercedes was so responsible. I could picture her being a good mother.

"Yes."

"And a husband?"

"A husband too. Anything else?"

"Why don't you date more?"

She folded her arms.

"Excuse me?"

I saw that I offended her and regretted my question. It came out all wrong like ninety percent of what I said.

"It's just that I've never seen you with a guy except Kurt."

"So you're keeping tally of the guys you've seen me with?"

"Yes, no, I mean –"

Mercedes sighed.

"You're right. I don't date much. I'm a late bloomer."

"There's nothing wrong with that," I said, trying to sound reassuring, "You ever heard of a michaelmas daisy?

"No."

"It's a late-blooming flower and my mother loves them. We plant them in the garden every year."

"You garden?"

"Yeah," I said, slightly embarrassed, because quarterbacks didn't plant flowers, but I loved helping my mom, "And they're really pretty and you can enjoy them in the fall when all the other flowers are dying, let me show you what they look like." I took out my phone and pulled up a picture I took last year of our flower garden. The rows of purple michaelmas daisies were in the front. I showed the picture to Mercedes.

"See," I said, handing her the phone, "Being a late bloomer isn't so bad."

Mercedes nodded, her eyes shining, and I knew I had said the right thing. I leaned over and gave her a hug, because she looked like she could use one, and she lay her head on my shoulder.

"Thanks," she whispered.

Just then, Sam walked into the library, with Stevie and Stacey trailing behind him in bright yellow rain coats, when he spotted us, I still had my arms around Mercedes. I let go of her and waved them over. Sam stared at me, and his expression was like the one my mom had when we saw her ex-boyfriend with a college girl shopping at Giant; she smiled at them and said hello, but her eyes were so cold and her voice so tight; I thought she would pop a vein. I smiled at him and he nodded, giving us both a half-hearted smirk.

"Sorry we're late."

"Sammy burned breakfast," Stacey said as she sat down.

"It was the toaster's fault," Stevie said.

"Well what did you have to eat?" Mercedes asked.

"Burned pop tarts," Sam mumbled, taking a seat next to Mercedes.

She touched his arm.

"Are you ok?"

"I'm fine."

Mercedes looked as if she wanted to say something else, but instead she said, "So are you ready to talk about the Scarlet Letter?"

"What's that?" Stevie asked.

"A book we're reading for school," Sam said, "Now you two get your workbooks out and do your homework. You promised that you would be quiet, remember?"

"I finished mine last night," Stevie said.

"Me too," Stacey said, "What do we do now?"

"Study," Sam suggested.

Stevie and Stacey looked at each other and sighed. I didn't think they were going to sit there quietly for long. Kids get bored easily. I wished there was something for them to do. Mercedes too pity on them.

"I've got an idea," she said, "Since my parents are away, why don't we go back to my house where the kids can watch TV and play in the game room while we study in the den?"

"Are you sure that's ok?" Sam asked.

"Of course."

"Cool," I said, getting up from my chair and putting on my jacket, "Who wants to ride with me?"

"We'll ride with Cedes," Sam said, picking up her backpack.

I didn't like how he touched her things like that; I'm sure he was being a "gentleman" but it bothered me. Then he touched her shoulder.

"I can bring the car around so you won't have to walk in the rain."

"Sam, you don't have to – "

His grip on her shoulder tightened.

"I want to."

She unzipped her purse and took out her car keys.

"Thanks."

Sam took the keys, staring at her for a moment, and then walked out of the library with Stevie and Stacey.

**ooo**

I had never been to Mercedes' house before; it was a mini-mansion in Tara Estates, in the most expensive area of Lima, the old-timers called it "Milk and Honey" because they considered it the promised land, and if you lived there, you had definitely made it. All of the lawns were bright green and almost too perfect. The streets were quiet and with houses spaced far apart; people probably didn't have bake sales and lemonade stands in Tara Estates; it wasn't that kind of neighborhood. In the entryway, she told everyone to take off their shoes because her mother would kill her if she messed up the floors.

"We just had them waxed."

Stevie and Stacey glided across the gleaming hardwood floors in their socks until Sam made them stop.

"You know better than that," he said as they whooshed past him, " You might break something."

Mercedes grabbed their hands and said;

"Come on, let me show you the game room."

After she got Stevie and Stacey settled in the game room; we went into the den. It had a huge HD flat screen TV and really comfortable soft leather couches and love seats. Sam sat on the couch and sighed.

"I'm beat."

"Rough night?" I asked.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Nothing, dude, chill out."

"I'm going to get us some snacks. Anything you guys want in particular?" Mercedes asked, standing before us with her arms folded.

"Surprise us," Sam said.

She smiled and looked at Sam with an expression I knew all too well. Rachel looked at me like that in the beginning, when she thought I was Prince Charming and not just an ordinary guy. Sam watched her as she walked out of the room, he was staring like he was afraid she would disappear. When she was gone, he turned on the TV and we just sat there watching a soccer game on ESPN.

"So you're failing English too?"

Sam glanced over at me.

"It's not my best subject… Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah."

"How long have you known Cedes?"

"Since kindergarten."

"Oh."

"Why?"

"No reason."

I wasn't buying that for a second, but I let it drop. I tried reading my notes on the Scarlet Letter, yet I couldn't stop thinking about what I saw between Sam and Mercedes; were they together? I saw them eat lunch together, but that was no big deal, and yeah, there was Prom, but somehow that seemed more like a convenient date, not a real one. Kurt would know, but they didn't hang out as much, and I felt funny asking him. Mercedes walked into the living room with a tray of grilled cheese sandwiches, apple slices with almond butter, fresh tomato slices and a bowl of popcorn.

"You said surprise you," she said, setting the tray on the table, "I'm going to get Stevie and Stacey. They might want a snack too."

After we ate and the kids went back to the game room, we tried to study, but ended up watching movies and hanging out. Sam stayed close to Mercedes; they never held hands or anything, yet I got the feeling he was marking his territory. During a boring chick flick that Mercedes said was good and insisted that we watch, I closed my eyes and fell asleep, and when I woke up, they were gone. I stood up and stretched. I wondered what time it was. I had to take a leak and on my way to the bathroom, I heard Sam and Mercedes in the kitchen arguing.

"So are you going to see Anthony again?"

"Sam, not now, it's not what you think – "

"I know your mothers are friends but – "

"That's part of it, yes."

"You like him don't you?"

"Please don't do this."

"He's rich."

"Stop it!"

"Cedes, I want –"

I walked away before I could hear anything else and went into the bathroom shutting the door behind me. I didn't understand everything that was going on; I only knew that I hated to hear Mercedes so upset. I wanted to protect her, and go into the kitchen and tell Sam to stop being a dick. They weren't married or anything. She could date whomever she wanted… there was more to Mercedes Jones than I ever thought; and I intended to find out about this mysterious girl, and maybe, just maybe, try my hand at seeing what was underneath.

* * *

><p>Thanks for reading!<p> 


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